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曹富贵投胎

2021-02-09 作者:故事大全 阅读:
  

活了八十几年的曹富贵寿终正寝,被黑白无常抓住了魂,准备送去阴曹地府投胎。

一切生死秩序看似井井有条,但是曹富贵却苦不堪言,七老八十死了,本来以为鬼魂会遭受正常待遇,他还想贿赂二位给她贵宾级投胎待遇呢,可无常不给他vip服务啊,不仅不接受曹富贵的贿赂,还把他五花大绑,拳脚相加,一路上,曹富贵被打的嗷嗷只叫。

他终于忍受不住了,苛问道:“二位阴差,我在世时好呆是个大官吧,你们怎么能这么粗暴对待我?你们怎么这么不懂礼貌,你们尊老爱幼吗?”

黑无常厌恶说:“你废什么话,你作恶多端,不踢废你都对得起你。”

曹富贵一阵心虚。谁说不是呢?他在世时不知道干了多少缺德事,却没想到死后被鬼差惦记,真是善恶终有报啊。

终于到了阴曹地府,这不看不知道,一看吓一跳,原来不止人类科技发达,连鬼类都不甘落后,投胎通道要经过大厅,由于投胎鬼数众多还要排队叫号,还要柜台鬼小姐开什么投胎允许证。

曹富贵经过大堂经理的帮助,终于拿到一个0099的排队号,前面还有40个鬼,按照人类排队银行时间等待,那还不是大半天的事情,曹富贵当官当习惯了,他和一个号码是二十号的鬼说:“哥们,我们换一个号码吧,你看我年纪一把了,你就发发善心吧,这大厅冷,我一把老骨头的经不起折腾。”

那个鬼一脸鄙视说:“凭什么?这里办证程序太复杂了,老子好

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不容易等了三天,还没有轮到我,你还想跟老子换票,你死一边去吧,要不是有很多鬼差把守,我早就把你ko了,”然后把鬼脸哼唧唧的偏在一边。

曹富贵何时受过这样的气,只差没有当场吐一口血,但有什么办法,那个鬼是壮年鬼,属于早死,他怎么打的过,只能乖乖排队。这队一排就是十天十夜啊,曹富贵直接快崩溃了,好不容易轮到他办理业务了,人家工作鬼员又要下班了,据说要等半个月,才开始营业,曹富贵感觉天都要塌了,怎么投胎这么困难呢?

十五天后,终于营业了,柜台阴差给曹富贵办理了一张投胎允许证明,拿到证,就要过安检,不允许携带易燃易爆,有毒危险品过投胎通道,否则没收罚款,拘留处置,曹富贵这到很放心,他死后家人给他烧了很多贵重物品,还有一百万真现金,在阴间,那简直是翻倍啊,好在,在一张储蓄卡里面储存着,曹富贵贴着身藏,等待投胎前一秒给工作鬼员贿赂贿赂。

曹富贵很顺利的过了安检,之后,被鬼差告知,除了投胎允许正,还要身份证,党员证,结婚证,离婚证,学历证,甚至还要确认肉体死亡证,缺一不可,否则不予投胎转世,而没有离过婚的只需要结婚证,没有结婚就死的,就不需要和婚姻相关的证。没办法,投胎心切,好在家人把证件都烧给了他。

身份证在红外线扫描中,很快被仪器确认,曹富贵姓名属实,没有整容,身份证比真实鬼龄小了三岁,总体评分80,合格。党员证被仪器自动生成,曹富贵,入党五十年,入党积极参加工作,相应领导号召,但后期庸庸碌碌,受贿行贿,当了市长后,处处违法违纪,不及格50分,曹富贵傻眼了,五十分,会不会影响投胎质量,他可卯足劲儿要投一个高富帅的。结婚证扫描显示,曹富贵之妻,比曹富贵小35岁,不属于和谐婚配,不合格0分。离婚证显示,曹富贵,离婚三次,原因是包养情人,包小三,人品不合格分。学历证显示,曹富贵,大学本科毕业,品学优良,但有才无德95分。

最后,死亡证自动显示,曹富贵,在人间阳寿已尽,经过检验,尸体已经腐烂,但是,占用非法地基修建豪华坟墓,占用面积140平方,人神共愤,天理不容,30分,不合格。

曹富贵一颗心悲喜交加啊,就像过山车,好在他一颗心脏还能承受,因为他有钱,有钱能使鬼推磨,储蓄卡里面的钱足够他任性。

这时,到了最后关卡了,曹富贵需要被脱光衣服,全身扫描,好出一个整体综合素质评分,最终确定他投什么胎。他十分配合关于投胎的一切工作,很快,经过全身扫描后,大屏幕仪器上哗啦啦一串数据闪了半个小时,最后变成了一条,曹富贵的心猛的揪成一团。

投胎当狗?那怎么行,于是他给把关的鬼差说:“兄弟,我兜里有卡,可以让你逍遥一辈子,你给帮我投一个高富帅怎么样?”

鬼差冷冰冰说:“你还不想当狗?那好,给你投个苍蝇。”

曹富贵赶紧说:“兄弟,给个面子,等我投胎做富人了好报答你。”

鬼差冷眼道:“你还想当狗不?难道你真的想变苍蝇,整天在屎堆里面飞?你在世时作恶多端,不好好体恤百姓,还鱼肉百姓,嫖娼离婚,包二奶找小三,现在要么就是狗,要么就是苍蝇,二选一。”

看到鬼差那么强硬态度,曹富贵绝望的晕倒了。

Introduce:The die of Cao riches and honour that lived eight years, by black and white and fugacious captured spirit, preparation sends government office of shade Cao ground reincarnation. Order of all life and death look be like in perfect order, but Cao Fu

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